Lois has been the happiest, easiest going baby in the whole world until a few weeks ago. Bizarre things seem to be happening with my child these days. And I'm just going to go ahead and say upfront that I blame it all on Down Syndrome.
Problem #1: Lois is 15 months old and she can't walk. She can't even crawl. But Lois has places she'd like to go. Toys she'd like to play with but can't reach. Dog tails she'd like to pull. But try as she may, she can't figure out how to heave her little body across the room. Stupid DS. Stupid hypotonia. Stupid developmental delay. So because Lois has enough going on upstairs that she wants to interact with her environment (nudge nudge) and she can't figure out how to make it happen, she sits in the floor and screams. Ear splitting screaming. When I need to go to the bathroom, I sit her in the floor and surround her with toys. And within 3 minutes of me being gone, all of the toys are scattered and she's sitting there screaming.
Problem #2: Lois can't communicate. Most 15 month olds have a few words - can point - are good at getting their needs communicated. My bean has no words, can't point, and has no idea how to get her needs across to me. She can isolate a finger, but heaven forbid we use it to point to something we want when screaming at the top of our lungs is so much more effective. And yes - I've tried every thing I know to do when the screaming starts - including ignoring her. She's still screaming. And I still have no idea what she wants most of the time.
Problem #3: Lois has decided that napping is for wussies. She falls asleep like clockwork every day at around 1:30pm - but if anything wakes her up, she's done - regardless of how long she has slept. Dogs barking, a light switch being turned off, a gentle breeze across her brow, or my particular favorite - a giant poop - these are the things I battle every day to try to keep her asleep. But really people, how am I supposed to achieve an alternative poop schedule? When Lois doesn't nap, she's happy go lucky for the rest of the afternoon (while her mother dissolves into a puddle of stomach acid and fatigue) but when 4:00pm rolls around it's like a switch goes off in her head. And guess what happens? You guessed it. She starts screaming. She doesn't want to play, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to drink. She's miserable. And so am I.
Problem #4: My Mom told me early on not to get Lois accustomed to being rocked to sleep. I took that advice very seriously and Lois has never been rocked to sleep. But I held her and sang to her and whispered sweet nothings in her ears. And now she expects it. No, I might go so far as to say she NEEDS to be held in order to go to sleep. One night we tried putting her down in her crib while she was very drowsy but not fully alseep- and let's just say the results weren't pretty. I'm talking major drama, people.
Problem #5: I'm pregnant. I'm old. I'm overweight. And all of that is making me feel like a piece of day old road kill. I'm not eating right, I forget to take my vitamins, my heart races, I still get nauseous from time to time, and I've got wicked heartburn all day long. All I want to do most days is crawl under the covers and stay there. And instead, I'm being held hostage by a 20 pound Atilla the Hun ALL DAY LONG.
Somebody give me some advice, please. Tell me what's wrong with my kid, besides the fact that she has DS holding her back. And if I'm the one doing something wrong, well you can just keep that to yourself. I kid, I kid! Tell me what to try, please!!! Any and all advice is welcomed! I think Jay will be dissapointed if I donate her to the Goodwill.
On a brighter note, the pictures in this post were all taken with my new camera lens (thanks, Jay and Marpa). And they were all taken in the same low light that has plagued me in this house for months. It's a miracle.
And on an even brighter note, my PITTSBURGH STEELERS will be making their 7th Super Bowl appearance on February 1st. Auntie Gina has Lois all decked out and ready for the game. Cute, huh? I just wish the darn thing weren't pink.
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9 comments:
I don't know what to say ... other than BLESS YOUR HEART.. because that is what we southerners say.
I don't know if this is something you would want to try with lois but with makenna we did the whole put her in bed and let her cry (no longer than 15 min.) It was in a book that I read and when she was around 6months old we decided to try it ..
Why you ask, well because we had a 20 month old and a 6 month old both sleeping in our queen size bed with us. We ended up bribing Noah with TV time before bed and after one show was up we would turn off the tv ...usually he was already fast asleep..
Anyway with Makenna we would lay her in bed with soothing music and leave the room. I don't remember exactly what the times were but I think after 5 min. we would go in and lay her back down. It seemed like she would cry for exactly 13 min. I was always standing by the door and dh would watch the clock -- because I was emotional I would always want to rush the door. Thank goodness for Dh. It really did work it took about a week of actual tears (from her and I both) but ever since then she goes to bed on her own with no fuss what so ever.
Now what is wrong with the pink shirt, that's what I wanna know, LOL!! I love pink!!!
BOOGIE! I hate to hear you (read you?) in such distress! Since I did such an excellent job babysitting (a.k.a. sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels, and petting Charlotte), I could come out on Friday afternoons and help (if there was anything I could do) with the Bean until Jay gets home. I know by Friday you're probably even more pooped than you were on Monday, and if it would help to have another set of hands or ears or chi-chis, let me know! I'd be glad to help!
Um, I asked my doctor the same question you posed in your first sentence and his direct quote was as follows: "It is probably too late to have postpartum depression but it is not too late to have depression". Basically, I don't think it is time to call in the little green army just yet -- I think you have a tough kid but I KNOW YOU ARE TOUGHER. You just need to find some tools to help you. Of course, the trick is going to be finding the right tools and you are so far in the weeds right now, I'm not sure you can see your way out. Personally, I think it all starts with sleep. It is time to get a little Ferber-ish action going on the little darling....we'll discuss.
First of all, HUGS HUGS HUGS!! Stay at home moms just amaze me, I don't think I could ever do it so congrats for that!
Secondly, I would swear on my life that the "terrible twos" started with both my girls around 15 months, they wanted to get a head start on things. Olivia does the same stuff at almost 18 months and she is able to communicate some. So of course it is the "bad" milestones that hit right on time.
Third, do not feel bad at all for feeling defeated, frustrated, tired, etc. especially of the Ds. It still happens to me a lot and it is just how we process. There is nothing wrong with being upset that there is something holding your child, the love of your life, back from things she should be doing. It is heartbreaking, it is frustrating, and it is exhausting! I feel your pain and am sending huge hugs.
Lastly, what kind of therapies is Lois getting? Olivia has an occupational therapist (doubles as a physical therapist also) once a week and a speech teacher/speech pahtologist once every other week. If she isn't getting what you think she needs, call EI and get them out there ASAP for a re-evaluation for more services. And don't take no for an answer! ;)
Don't hesitate to email me (wscarney@pplweb.com) if you ever just want to vent or chat. Our girls are about 3 months apart so hopefully I can understand some of what you are going through.
Just know that you are not alone, that you are a FABULOUS mom, and that it is ok to be upset or angry about all of this.
HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!
Wendy
I know what to say, come to PA. You need a break and so does Lois. It sounds like you 2 are in a rut, and you both are fed up with it. So pack up the car, or I will even drive half way to pick you up and come to see Auntie Gina. You can stay in bed the whole time, Gran and I will take care of Atilla. I remember those days well, and I feel for ya friend. But it would do you both a world of good to just break the cycle you 2 have settled into.
Hey Catherine, I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal, though I'm sure that doesn't offer much comfort. It really sucks that you are twice as exhausted through your second pregnancy and it doesn't get easier once the baby is born - once again I apologize for not being very reassuring! :) Honestly, I don't know how Michelle Dugger does it.
I know, too, it is utterly frustrating when you don't know what your child needs or wants, and day after day of that can wipe you out too. I think the others above have given great advice and I say take Auntie Gina up on her offer!! (does she want to adopt a niece?)
Like Lois, Landon has been a VERY easy baby, but I'm sure we'll be walking in your shoes very soon as he begins to want to do more but can't. Something that frustrates me is the limited time we have to do "therapy" and that we've had to cancel many appointments with the infant educator over the past couple of months because of the illnesses. He's coming up on a year but nowhere near where he should be so that he can feed himself and be weaned off the bottle. I know that is in large part to us not working on it, but what do you do when you are so exhausted?
I just want you to know I understand how you feel and if you ever want to call to talk/vent/yell/cry/scream - please do.
Oh, I forgot one more thing - Lois is just soooooo darn cute! I love her smile. Great pictures!
The CES Kelly told me to read this. I remember how awful you felt being held hostage in the hospital the week before Lois was born. You are exhausted and it seems there is no relief in sight. I say GO NORTH. It will help you both. Lois will make you out to be a liar and she will be as good as gold. You'll be pissed, but in the end you will get the rest you need.
Also, take Lu up on her offer. It can't hurt.
I wish I could come to Richmond and help out. I am glad it has gotten cold enough for you.
Green Lady
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