A New Job

So Lois visited our sweet Dr. Kraft last week for her 15 month check up. All is well. Lois's white blood cell count is staying where it should be, the fact that she's still toothless is no cause for alarm, and she's still 1 pound 4 1/2 ounces from the elusive 20 pounds that will spring her from her infant car seat. But something happened while we were there that I felt I must report to my faithful blog readers.

As the nurse was preparing to stick Lois's finger, she asked me when Lois's baby brother was going to make his arrival. I told her - fingers crossed - he'd wait until the end of May. When your first kid stages a full on revolt and shows up 7 weeks early, you get a little spooked. Is he really going to stay put for the full 40 weeks? Aunt Marpa already bought him a onesie with his astrological sign on it, and I'm convinced she's jinxed me. He'll probably decide to show up next week just so he WON'T be a Gemini.

Anyway, as poor Lois got her finger poked and the nurse and I discussed little brother, she asked me this fateful question: "Is this one OK?"

Are you speechless? Is your mouth hanging open in shock? Are you feeling totally indignant on behalf of my butter bean?

I felt all of those things too - but only after she had left the room. At the time, I was reduced to looking at her and saying, "OK?" I guess I couldn't believe she had actually said what she said and wanted to clarify that she did indeed mean what I thought she did.

She said, "Well, I mean - did you have the amnio and everything?

So much for giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I told her I had refused an amnio, and if this baby had Down Syndrome as well, then Jay and I would consider ourselves twice blessed - and then immediately go buy a lottery ticket.

And then she left the room to run Lois's blood work and I sat and stared at my butter bean. And the more I looked into her precious, drool encrusted face, the more my blood starting pumping. Wasn't she essentially telling me that Lois WASN'T ok? Could she honestly think this sweet, babbling, happy, smiling, bundle of love isn't ok? But before I added her to my medical professional scale at the number 0 with Dr. Dickhead, I had to consider that she was perhaps unaware of how I - or another "special" Mom - might interpret what she had said. I considered ratting her out to Dr. Kraft who I knew would rip her a new one. But that felt like the cheaters way out. I honestly liked this nurse and I wanted to prove that I could talk to her about this without her thinking I was a bitch.

So when she came back in the room, I did it. I told her I wasn't offended and I thought she was a lovely person, but that what she said could be considered rather hurtful. I told her I thought Lois was all kinds of OK -and that I'd wager other Moms of "special" kids feel the same way. She fell all over herself apologizing and hugged me and thanked me, and then she left. I felt rather ambivalent about the whole event. I was really proud of myself for dealing with the situation head on - and in a friendly manner. But in the back of my mind is the knowledge that Lois will spend her life interacting with people who think her parents were lucky to have at least one child who was "ok."

So it may not pay as well as I'd like, but apparently my new job is to make sure the world knows that Lois is MORE than ok. To educate those who see Lois as a diagnosis rather than as a little girl. To make sure Lois never feels any less valued than her brother. It's a job I plan to take seriously and one that will probably keep me busy for the rest of my days. But it's a job with some really sweet benefits.