The Final Countdown

The countdown to the return of my waistline (such that it is) has been extended. This Friday was supposed to be Mac's big arrival and I was kind of stoked he would share a birthday with JFK - until Jay felt it necessary to remind me that the dude was a bit of a philanderer. But the point is, Friday was supposed to be D-day and believe me, there's never been an event more planned for than this one. I've stocked my cupboards with enough cat and dog food to last until the armageddon, bought diapers for both kids like they were going out of style, made curtains and tablecloths, started putting things together to take to the hospital, and made list after list of tasks to be completed by this Friday. I think the whole nesting thing has temporarily taken over - and it's a good thing. My house is looking good and Mac actually has a room to live in when he does arrive. So imagine my horror - my shock - my dismay - when the whole thing came crashing down around me last week.

Allow me to explain.

Jay is starting a new job today. Well, that's actually not true. This morning he will get in his car and head down interstate 64 to Charlottesville and walk into the exact same office building he always does and toil away at the same computer he's been using for the past year. But his next paycheck will be issued by a different employer. Confused?

We moved here because Jay was hired by a consulting company that is based in Richmond - Eiden Systems. The first client Jay was assigned to just happened to be in Charlottesville. That client was PQA and the contract they wrote with Eiden involved a year long commitment for Jay and the opportunity to be hired on as a PQA employee at the end of that year. That idea was laughable to us - we figured if Jay could survive a year of the heinous commute he makes every day - and we could survive the resulting gas bills - we'd consider ourselves lucky. Eiden promised they would find Jay employment closer to home after his year with PQA. And to be fair - they did just that. But Jay wasn't interested in the job they found him. In fact, Jay loves what he's doing at PQA. And since they started letting him work from home one day a week with the promise that another day will be added soon, that commute isn't quite as bad anymore.

So today is Jay's first day as an offical PQA employee. Which is a good thing. Our new insurance policy starts on June 1. That, we found out, is not such a good thing. In discussing this "job change", we just assumed that our Eiden insurance would carry us through the month of May. You know that old adage about what happens when you assume? Yeah. That happened to us. Our insurance policy with Eiden ended at midnight last night. So today - we are uninsured and we will remain that way until Monday morning at 12:01am. When you're 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, that's downright scary.

Never fear! In the event that I were to go into labor in the next 5 days, we could get COBRA coverage on our old policy, but not without paying a premium in excess of $1,000. We're frankly not interested in that, but thanks for asking. So I had to call Witchy Poo and ask her to reschedule my C-section for sometime after June 1. Believe me, I would rather have had eye surgery with a butter knife (as Autnie Gina would say) than make that particular phone call. She was oh so accommodating - and made sure she got in a little dig about me being a trouble maker. My fingers are crossed that my water will break on June 1 - when Witchy Poo is nowhere near the hospital and I am forced to have another doctor in the practice deliver Mac. At this point, some dude off the street with a ginzu sounds preferable.

But for now, June 2 is the now the big day. He'll still be a Gemini, but his birthstone will now be alexandrite (whatever the heck that is) or a pearl instead of an emerald. Something tells me Mac will never be very bothered by the sudden switch in his assigned gemstone - but I could almost see the opal and emerald ring that Jay would buy me one day. Opal and pearls? Oh puh-leez.

The countdown? Well, since I'm already awake (and have been since 5:30 because my lower back woke me up) I'm not going to count today. Although maybe I should? It's another full day I have to spend with a beach ball attached to my hips. A beach ball that can't seem to get comfortable. Ugh. Yep, today counts. So that's 6 more days. 6 long, painful, heartburn riddled days.

I know it would appear that I am ready and eager to start this next chapter of my life, but if I'm honest with myself - and with you, gentle blog readers - I'd have to say that I spend a majority of every day trying to get a handle on my fear. This fear has nothing to do with a needle in my back and a giant gash across my guts. That's a cake walk. I'm terrified that my life as I know it is about to implode. I fear I'm not up to this. I fear what Lois will make of a baby brother and that it will in some way change her - force her to grow up when she's not ready to. I fear I can't do right by both of them at the same time - and how do I decide who gets the short end of the stick? I've got no team of experts to advise me on how to raise Mac. I've got no support group of intelligent, thoughtful women who are dealing with similar circumstances. I'm terrified.

All expectant mothers feel this way, right? Funny thing is, I don't remember these fears before Lois's arrival. Maybe I just didn't have time to consider the gravity of the situation because I was too busy worrying about heart rates and biophysical profile results. I do remember looking at Jay before they took me to the operating room and saying, "From this moment on, our lives will never be the same." And I was right. My life now contains a spectrum of bright, vivid colors that I had never even seen or imagined. I suppose maybe we're just about to add a few new colors to our own personal rainbow.

6 more days. I can do this.