We've been looking at homes here in Richmond which has been interesting to say the least. Yesterday we were in a house where the floors in one room were covered in broken glass - and there were dead cockroaches by the door. Nice. And we looked at another house that had a lovely ceramic planter by the front door that was overflowing with cigarette butts. What are these people thinking? But we've seen quite a few really nice places including one that we're itching to make an offer on. But neither of us have seen one that makes our hearts go pitter pat. So for now, we'll continue looking.
On a more positive note, baby M is home from UVA and doing great. Baby M's mother - K - was asked by the hospital chaplain to talk to another Mom at UVA who had just given birth to a baby with DS who had the same heart problem as baby M. Of course she did it, I know that new Mom has a totally different outlook on her future now. K is just as upbeat and positive as I am about the whole DS thing. In fact, I decided that I totally need that job. I need to be the one the hospital calls when new parents give birth to a baby with DS. I would just LOVE to sit down and tell them about all the wonderful ways their world just changed. I'd probably frighten them a bit with my over enthusiastic delivery.
I keep thinking of the high risk doctor in Roanoke who I was FORCED to see by my OBGYN. My friends will remember I had a rather unflattering nickname for him?? He interpreted the results of our nuchal translucency test and gave us the news that we had a 1 out of 3 chance of our baby having DS. I wasn't interested at ALL in those odds, as I just didn't care if my baby had DS. Well, Dr. D (ahem...) just kept trying to get me to understand what those odds meant. Like what a HUGE HORRIBLE DEVASTATING CATASTROPHE it would be if I had a baby with DS. I kept explaining to him that we considered DS a positive pregnancy outcome. And here is the conversation that ensued:
Dr. D: Do you have other children?
Me: No
Dr. D: I think parents need to consider that a child with DS will be a burden for those children to bear in the future. And in your case, your child will be a burden on society. Someone will have to take care of her when you're gone.
I know what you're thinking. OH NO HE DIDN'T!! And I swear on all that's good and holy - that's exactly what he said to us. This man is the only high risk guy in southwest Virginia. Women from West Virginia and North Carolina come to see him. All of them are like me - advanced maternal age - and many of them end up with wonky prenatal test results. And since DS is the most common chromosomal abnormality, many of them are faced with the same news I got. I imagine most of them won't react the way Jay and I did. So I'm sure they are scared and anxious and looking for reassurance. And what do they get? They get Dr. Dickhead telling them their kid is going to be a burden on society.
Now look what you made me do. I swore I wasn't going to call him that anymore. He saved Lois's life. He really did. He monitored her so closely that he caught on to something being not quite right - and if I hadn't gotten stuck in the hospital for 24/7 monitoring, Lois would have very quietly died in utero. So I promised I wouldn't call him that anymore. But do you blame me, people? He saved her life, but I don't for one second believe it's a life he values. I think he believed I am deluded. And I think he needs to go back to the 50's and return his antiquated, stereotypical, hateful views.
I've toyed with the idea of getting in touch with Dr. D. Perhaps sending an email with a photo attachment:
And the text:
You were wrong Dr. D. She's not a burden. She's a joy. You stupid piece of......
Well. The message might need a little editing. But you get the idea, right?
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