Hanging Up My Red Pens.

That's right. I'm hanging up the red pens and turning in the grade book. I am officially out of work - a stay at home Mom - a "former" teacher. Jay and I decided the best thing for Lois is to not send her off to daycare in the fall. Lois needs her Momma! So we've thrown our lives into total chaos in order to make that a reality. Can't really go into specifics on some of the chaos quite yet, but I formally announced to my school system that I would not be returning in the fall.

I've taught the same grade in the same room for 13 years. For many years, that job was my life - my identity. I loved, loved, loved teaching. But I love being a Mom even more. I didn't expect that to happen. I figured when the Fall rolled around, I would be ready to turn Lois over to the daycare workers and head back to my happy little school on the hill. I underestimated how much I would like my kid. How much it would kill me to hand her over to someone else.


I had lunch today with some of my former coworkers at school, and my good friend K asked me if I missed being there. That's a tough question. I miss my friends. I miss the camaraderie. I miss the kids. But I'm not sure I could honestly say I missed teaching. The job I left in October was really different from the one I started in 1995. Back then I was free to be as creative as I wanted to, and I made the most of it. I was constantly on the search for new, fun, innovative ideas to communicate my subject matter. And when I talk to my former students (who are now young adults) those crazy lessons I taught are the ones they remember.

In the past several years, the creativity has been "legislated" out of teaching. The only things that matter today are test scores. And in order to achieve the highest scores possible, I was told what to teach - how to teach it - when to teach it - and sometimes even given a script. For the past couple of years I've been a bit of a rebel and (quietly) refused to follow some of the rules. My kids still did well on the test - I was happy - they were happy. No harm, no foul.

From what I hear, things have changed even more this year since I left, and I don't think I would have been able to continue to be the happy rebel anymore. I would have finally been forced to get in line and follow the rules and read the script and essentially stop being who I am. It's probably for the best that I'm moving on. I even heard today that I would have had to change rooms next year. I think that's a sign. It's time to go.

In my email to my colleagues announcing my future plans, I mentioned that when school starts in the fall, I will be really sad - and that's the God's honest truth. For 13 years August was when I bought a new calendar, some new pens, and prepared to return to Room 9. I suppose there's new things on the horizon for me now. I feel very lucky to have been part of that community of learners and I know that I will probably never be so lucky again.

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I'm holding on to a few red pens, just in case.